Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
