I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
