my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
