I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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