I wish I could punch you in the face.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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