How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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