Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you will always have a special place in my vag
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
