I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
