It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
