I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
