Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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