Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
