when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
