Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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