I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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