how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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