Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
