Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
