she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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