You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
accomplished twins. life is a go
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
