What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
