is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
