Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
