You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
