mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
