So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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