I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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