I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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