Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I stole a fireplace last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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