Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
