do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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