You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
