How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
