Jerry, you need to find god
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
