I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
