my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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