you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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