Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
