She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
