Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
