im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
