I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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