alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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