I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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