Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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