I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
