just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
