Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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