How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
