She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
