I accidentally burped into my bong.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
