She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
