Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
