did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
