I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
