Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
